In my twenties I remember being at some family event, and I heard the words "family are always there, they are who you can rely on". I remember thinking to myself "only in desperation would I rely on my family". I had, and still have a small but tight friendship circle and if I ever need anything or wanted to spend time with somebody, or wanted to call someone in the middle of the night my mates were and still who I would call.
Today almost 20 odd years later I have been thinking about the importance of family again. Friends have no duty to you to hang around, when your paths cross and you get on, then you share some memorable moments with them, and sometimes they are in your life while you at the same work place, sports club, gym, block of flats etc, sometimes for longer. We spend probably more of our happiest moments with our friends, but who can say their mates that they wanted at the weeding or 21st, or 30th are still around. That said I am still more eager to assists friend than a family member.
Is that reason that you are not obliged to help a friend; you do it because you really want to. How much of family interaction is driven by obligation, a lot? Someone you always feel indebted to seems to be your family, even though your actions in need are more recognized by mates. Family recognition is not a driver, at least not for me, and I am not sure when that became so.
But as time goes, your friends have their own families and in some ways without meaning to some you loose touch with, some move away some you wish you saw more of, and some you just don't connect with anymore. With family they are always there, there is no parting ways, beside ridiculous family feuds.
Lets put it another way. Think back to 5 years ago, who did you SMS / talk to, to wish happy New Year, happy Xmas etc to, make a mental list, then do the same thing 5 years later. Your family are still on the list, some new people are there and some older friends. Family is like affirmation, you say it and see it all the time, you cannot seem to get away from it, so it is always there, and that is why they are always there.
It is a pity in some ways, since the best of times are normally not spent with our extended family, even our children are only intensely involved in our lives for a decade and half, before they themselves fly the nest and come to their own realization that they to are permanently connected to you
Comments